she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Acid is not a monday night drug
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
