Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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