My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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