I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
