You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think people are normalizing furries
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
