What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
