No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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