If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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