I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize