come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
