I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
