You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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