I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
