new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
