After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
