when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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