the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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