He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize