you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
