she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
