Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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