you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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