On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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