Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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