I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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