he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
