Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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