I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
