Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
