He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my sisters under your porch take her home
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
