It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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