He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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