I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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