I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
