I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How does one acquire holy water?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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