I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
