i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize