I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize