Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
