I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
