kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
