was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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