Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
