Soap is not a condiment
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
PANTIES FOUND
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
