we have officially lost it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
