Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
