I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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