i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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