i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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