this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
