I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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