I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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