I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
