Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
YAS. BRING CRAB.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
