I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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