U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
