This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
found the other keg... it's in the tree
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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