your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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