He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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