I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
