I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
