So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
