I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
