Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
