So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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