dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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