sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
