walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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