idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
