wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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