Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
