k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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