That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You smell like stripper and shame
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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