I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
