I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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