I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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