I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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