I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
