Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
