I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
