Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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