somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
where are my eyebrows?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
