i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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