she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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