my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
