Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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