I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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