dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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