so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
