rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
