Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
