you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
