where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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