okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
