I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
