I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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