i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
They are going to name an STD after you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize