The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
