Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
