Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
