I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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