Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
