just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
