hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
