I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
