barbara walters just said penis...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
