btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize