Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
