we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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