i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
