just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize