Kareoke will never be a sober sport
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
