he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
