So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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