so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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